Monday:

We were still at the Coast as I had booked the day off work!🎉Started the day off imperfectly by sneezing when I had just applied mascara to give me a “blow up doll” look, which is never ideal!😵

Scary first thing in the morning face!👻

 I had planned on taking Mia and Zac on a rainforest walk but realised that I had left Mia’s car seat in Bec’s car!🙄

I then had to drive to her work to pick it up, praying that I didn’t get pulled over, but phew, I didn’t!

I made the kids make a pact that they weren’t going to moan or argue and dangled the bribe of junk food, like every good parent does!😬

We stopped in Maleny for lunch at a bakery. Zac picked a chicken pie and then refused to eat it because it had veggies in it! It’s hard when it’s not your child, as Mia would have just had to sit there until it was all gone, but I just said “no ice cream later if you don’t make a good job of it!” and hoped it would work and luckily for me, it did, otherwise it could have got awkward!😬 Plus Mia was watching on with interest ready to use this against me if it didn’t go my way!🤣

Next stop: rainforest boardwalk. All good and free! Very informative and the volunteers were lovely and showed the kids loads of cool things: night-time rainforest room, microscopes, iPads which showed different rainforest scenes when you pointed them at walls. Very cool and interactive!

Read the rules about sticking to the paths, not running, shouting or touching anything and only had to remind them of these approximately 120 times so it could have been worse! They were very excited about our little rainforest adventure and named us “Adventure Boy”, “Adventure Girl” and “Adventure Mum” (um, that one doesn’t sound quite so exciting!🤔) I was not allowed to use their real names, we had to walk in a certain formation (obviously I was put at the back!😒) and they made up a little song which was pretty cute. It got slightly wearing after around 30 minutes but hey ho, it was keeping them motivated!

Adventure Boy and Adventure Girl! (Photo credit: Adventure Mum!🤔)

We saw some cool trees and vines, butterflies, pademelons (basically look like wallabies) with babies in their pouches, beautiful birds and bats.  Oh and Mia’s favourite…bush turkeys!🤔

We spent a long time trying to get a decent photo of the pademelon Joey which was ultimately unsuccessful!🙄

Pademelons with joeys, which you can see if you look really carefully!👀

Got back to the visitor centre where Mia had picked up a little berry-looking thing and asked the old guy at the counter what it was. It turned out it was poisonous, so we had to dash into the kitchen and wash our hands before she put her fingers in her mouth!🙈It was unlikely as they’re generally up her nose, but better safe than sorry!😆

Went for an ice cream with a mountain view and then a quick play on the adventure playground where Mia and Zac found a seesaw which made a fart noise and took great pleasure in modelling the noise!🙄🙄

We had to get back as Zac was getting picked up and arrived bang on time (unheard of for me) to discover that the person had already left! I promise I was there on time and I have witnesses! Felt pretty bad though, but it meant we all went to the pub for dinner so worked out well for us in the end.

Went home for a few drinks, put the kids to bed and stayed up reminiscing about our backpacker days, dancing to music videos and getting a little bit tipsy! We crawled into bed at around 2pm. Just what I needed!

Staying up late drinking always seems like such a great idea at the time!🤢

Bec had to get to work (don’t know how she could do it!) and I had to make the long drive back to Toowoomba, so we got ready leisurely and I let Mia have a quick swim before we left in an attempt to tire her out for the journey. She did in fact sleep the entire journey home! Which was good but I was also REALLY jealous! As I said in an earlier blog, I have been ridiculously tired recently and a big drive on 3 hours sleep was the opposite of what I needed! I tried my best, but had to stop on a few occasions as I kept almost nodding off! Once for lunch, twice for Red bull, once for petrol and red frog sweets and once just to run around the car and slap myself in the face!😣 

We had a big hold up in one place in the middle of nowhere where they were gritting the road, so we were queued up for a while! I realised that I was going to be cutting it fine to be back in time for tutoring, so I texted my student and arranged for her to come half an hour later. I was still hard pressed for time and got back with only 10 minutes to spare!

Miss Mia dead to the world for the entire journey – alright for some!😴

Wednesday:

Ugh! It was so hard to get up for work today! It was the usual end of month scramble for assessments and all 3 of my afternoon tutorials cancelled on me when they all had work to hand in! Bloody typical!😒

I told a couple of my work colleagues about the fertility clinic verdict and had a little blub, which also made them cry, which in turn made me feel worse!  Feeling a bit sorry for myself at the moment!😢

I had a bit of an irate message from GH as it turned out that I’d sent Mia to school with a nut bar and he had got a lecture! Whoops!😬I know this information but my mind’s just not in the game at present!

Got home and Ian had had a haircut, so complimented him and tried to chat, but he had a bit of a tone to his voice and appeared to be in a bad mood. I asked him what was wrong, he replied “nothing”, but to me there seemed to be, so kept asking…Not the best idea because we went from 0-60 in a few seconds and we were having a screaming argument! Ian said “I can’t wait for you to go on the pill so that you can be normal again!” which I heard as “I’m so glad you can’t have another baby!” which to me was the most insensitive thing in the world! I had a wailing fit, screaming “Fuck you, you insensitive idiot!” Mia came running in, saying “I’m on Mummy’s side!” despite not having the faintest clue what had happened. Ian remarked on my lack of parenting skills to be having an argument in front of her, which was like a red rag to a bull and it all got a bit messy. I stormed off to the bedroom and assumed a sobbing foetal position on the bed, closely followed by Mia who was doing funny dances to try to make me laugh. “It’s not your fault I’m upset.” I assured her, but I felt terrible that she was witnessing such a scene.  She got into bed with me and snuggled in to make me feel better, which she always does, but I just needed a bit of time to compose myself. I messaged my friend to say I wouldn’t be going to Zumba as I had horrible red, puffy eyes and then told Ian, whose reply was “Oh, you could have made dinner if you’re not going there then!” I sometimes think he wants a flying plate to the head, but he certainly knows every button to press to wind me right up! I went mental again and decided I WAS going to go to Zumba just to spite him and, to be honest, it was good to dance some of my anger and frustration out!😡💃🏼

My moods have been a little erratic since I’ve been going through all of my hormonal imbalances and I know I must not be an easy person to live with at times, but I feel like I’m grieving the loss of my unborn babies, my fertility and my womanhood all at the same time at the minute and I just don’t think Ian gets it at all! We didn’t speak much when I got home. I was hoping for an apology but it didn’t come.☹️

Thursday: 

Had a bit more of a relaxed day with Mia today. Ian and I are still at each other’s throats and had a big blow up again when he got home from work.  I feel like I can’t talk to him without him getting pissed off about something at the moment and vice versa and I’m just feeling really down.😔

Friday: 

Ian left for work in a mood again so I rang him and told him we needed to talk later because I’m struggling.  I’m so confused as to whether to go straight on the pill or leave it until the New Year. I’m exhausted, my brain feels like it’s in a fog and I just keep randomly bursting into tears! Bad times. 

I dropped Mia off at holiday play and went home to find two bills that we can’t afford to pay right now!😭I rang the energy company to set up a payment plan and they were really helpful so that bought us a bit more time

I went into work for a staff meeting and ended up in tears talking to one of my work colleagues which was a bit embarrassing. I think I must have sprung a leak somewhere!😭😭😭

Next I went to sort a stuff up with Medicare as we were waiting for a big rebate for my dental work, but because the invoice also had Mia’s name on as well as mine, they were querying who it was for.  Have they never heard of kids going to appointments with their parents?! And she’s covered under my policy anyway so what was the problem?! They just like to make things difficult I think! Luckily the lady was really helpful and fingers crossed, the money will be in our bank account soon!🤞🏻

Ian and I hashed everything out when he got home from work and cleared the air somewhat.  I guess he is upset and hurt about everything that has been happening too, but we just express ourselves in very different ways! We had our first hug in around a week, so slight progress! Ian then went to the yard to drink with his mates, but came home in a very good mood, we got Mia to bed early and the progression continued…😜

All or nothing every time!

Saturday:

Got up early and went to parkrun and had a shocker! I just couldn’t breathe so ended up walking most of it. My friend said it was probably the pollen from all the flowers about which could be right but my inhaler was in my car as I hardly ever have to use it so I was very wheezy! Must get back to my best!

Ian had private jobs so I tagged him out and took Mia to her first swimming lesson in her new group which went well. Ian came home (still happy!🙀)and I took Mia to good old Kmart to spend our flybuys dollars as of course she hadn’t forgotten my bribery prizes for moving up swimming and gymnastics levels! She picked something for $7 and something for $5 so I was winning again! I love how she still has next to no concept of prices and just picks what she really wants! I did finally order her swing set and chucked a paddling pool in to be collected next weekend after pay day so that won’t be a fun bill! It was meant to be her birthday present in July though, so I mustn’t grumble! Naughtily picked up donuts for us all seeing as we had to walk past Donut King – tasted soooo good! Well, the diet can sod off at present as it did bugger all for my ovaries anyway!

Ian (still in a good mood! Might have to drop the grumpy husband label at this rate!) cooked us a Sunday roast on a Saturday and we had a few drinks. I was feeling in the mood and…Ian had a headache again!🙄 Such a wuss!  Scheduled him in for the morning, dependent on Miss Mia’s awareness!

Sunday:

I’m still doing the wait 20 minutes, legs in the air thing, just on the slight off chance a rogue egg may decide to pop out. Well if they’re anything like me, it figures that they would be running late! Probably a little bit desperate, but we’ve decided to give it a last “conscious relax and stop trying while still actually trying” approach. I’m pretty sure that we know the outcome now, but the stubborn side of me is still not ready to completely let go and Ian is more enthusiastic than he has ever been about everything.  If you can figure us out, please could you let me know, as I have no clue!🤷🏼‍♀️

So after the “fun” Ian made a lovely fry up, which meant I was severely late for a play date at my friend’s house, but I was wallowing in the “happy husband” cooking me breakfast glow!

Went home for a nap and then got ready for a barbecue at our friend’s house. It was the NRL final, which means nothing to me, but Ian was excited because he’s a Cowboys fan and apparently it was a big deal! They lost. Badly.🙈

The Mums stayed outside drinking wine and I told them what had happened before I got too drunk and emotional.  I managed to do it without tears too so there is progress in that area!

The kids all played together but had divided into girls v boys teams and were running around shooting each other with nerf guns! The girls hid in Rita’s car and only tried to start it up!🙈Luckily none of them could reach the pedals and it was in park, but they were told off as if they had taken it for a spin around the block, which hopefully means they won’t do it again!

The family had adopted an abandoned lamb so the kids loved playing it with it. It follows the oldest son around as if he’s his Mum which is very sweet!

Baby goats obviously bring out the crazy in them all!😜

One of the husbands was doing Ocsober so we had a chauffeur to take us home and left our car there. “Partay” I thought, but we probably only had one drink over the limit and one more when we got home, so we should have just been strong and not had the extra drink and driven. Still, at least we get a public holiday lie-in in the morning!😆

To be continued…